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The Courtship of Chris and Lance
By Trixie The Courtship of Chris and Lance was a courtship of fools. That's what they all called it, JC and Joey and Justin, ever since about three weeks after Lance joined the group and this bizarre mating ritual began. JC always thought of it like that, with capitals. The Courtship of Chris and Lance. Three years later, though, JC still found it endlessly amusing. Largely it consisted of Chris trying to be as funny as he could and Lance trying to pretend he was not at all amused by Chris's antics. Not that Chris wasn't always trying to be funny, but he made an extra effort when it came to Lance. For instance, almost four in the morning and Joey and Justin were back at the hotel fighting off the flu. But JC, Lance, and Chris had decided after leaving a party at two that taking a ride on the Staten Island Ferry would be fun. And it was, except that Chris was currently standing on a bench at the edge of the boat, holding his backpack like a bundle of roses and belting out Don't Rain on My Parade at the top of his lungs. Lance was standing under him, arms crossed, trying to look annoyed. "Moron," Lance drawled, "you're going to get yourself arrested." He grinned when Chris hit a particularly shrill note, then rubbed a hand over his face to hide it. "And anyway, you're on the wrong kind of boat." "Ha!" Chris spun around, nearly smacking Lance in the head with his backpack, but Lance ducked neatly, his reflexes honed by years in proximity to Chris. "So you admit you're a Streisand fan. I knew it!" JC wrapped his coat tighter around him and scrunched down in the seat, hoping they'd forget he was there and he'd get a good show. "Yes, Chris." Even without being able to see his face, JC knew that Lance was rolling his eyes dramatically. It was the exact, long-suffering tone of voice that always accompanied an eye-roll. "And every other gay stereotype, too. Get the fuck off there." Lance grabbed Chris by his coat and pulled him down, catching and steadying him when he stumbled. Chris took the opportunity to wrap himself around Lance, burying his hands inside Lance's coat. Lance squeaked and tried to pull away, but Chris hung on like a limpet. "Your hands are fucking cold, Chris." "I know, but they're getting warmer." Chris wiggled against Lance's back obscenely. "You love me, Bass. Admit it." "I love you about as much as Barbra Streisand," Lance said with a grin. JC couldn't help but notice he was no longer trying to get away, was in fact, leaning back against Chris. They were either completely oblivious or they just really enjoyed teasing each other, JC couldn't figure out which. "Exactly," Chris said, nodding against Lance's shoulder. "Wait. You do love Babs, don't you?" "That's for me to know and you to find out." "I know you are, but what am I?" Chris asked in a mocking tone. "Are you in kindergarten?" JC couldn't help laughing and he slapped his hand over his own mouth. Chris and Lance both turned to look at him. "And you," Chris pulled a hand out long enough to point at JC. "what are you giggling at, Chasez?" "You, dude." JC grinned at him and waved a hand in their direction. "Y'all are fools." ** A week later and they were in some town in the midwest and Justin still hadn't completely shaken his flu. They were all exhausted and holed up in the hotel, watching Raiders of the Lost Ark on DVD. Justin was curled up on the bed with his head in JC's lap so JC could massage his scalp. Joey was on the floor, eating popcorn and drinking beer. JC had no idea where Chris and Lance were until the door slammed open and Lance stalked in, flopping down on the couch. "I really fucking hate him," Lance said. "You fighting with Chris again?" Joey asked, rolling his eyes in JC's direction. "How'd you know it was Chris?" "Lance," Joey said, with a long suffering sigh, "Chris is the only person you hate on a regular basis. Except for that one stylist, but that doesn't count, obviously." "Well, he's the only person who pisses me off on a regular basis. And I didn't hate Gunther, he was the..." "Spawn of Satan," JC and Justin both said in chorus with Lance and then laughed when he looked annoyed at them. They'd all heard it a hundred times. "Dude," JC said. "Lou fired him six months ago, get over it." Lance opened his mouth to reply, but shut it again when the door to the suite flew open again. Chris came in with his hands behind his back, stepped over Joey, and stopped in front of Lance. JC felt Justin groan in annoyance and hide his face in JC's leg. "Chris," Lance practically growled, but Chris cut him off with an impatient sound and thrust his hands at Lance. "Candy," he said, dropping a handful of Reeses Peanut Butter cups into Lance's lap. "Booze." He rattled the handful of mini bottles of vodka and whiskey he was holding. "Kiss and make up?" JC held his breath and watched Lance look at the candy, the booze, and Chris for a few seconds as Chris squirmed. When it looked like Chris was about to say something else, something that JC was sure would result in him having to remove a foot from his mouth, Lance shrugged and grabbed one of the little bottles. "Sit down, jerk. We're watching a movie," he muttered. Chris grinned and leapt onto the couch, settling in right next to Lance and stealing one of the peanut butter cups back from him. JC was pretty sure Lance was smiling somewhere underneath the scowl he was trying to affect, but that's exactly how they were, furious at each other one minute, crawling into each other's pockets the next. "Stupid fucking idiots," Justin whispered and JC laughed and nodded at him. Half an hour later, and they were watching Temple of Doom. Chris and Lance had finished off all three bottles, and half the candy, and were currently tossing popcorn at each other while carrying on a whispered argument on whether the second movie sucked completely or just a little. "Just because you're a girl and don't like bugs, doesn't mean it's completely crap, Bass." "Fuck," Justin said, sitting up. "Are y'all gonna argue for the rest of this movie?" "No," Lance said, dropping the popcorn he was about to throw back in the bag. "Yes, we are," Chris shot back. "No, we're not." And then they were both grinning at each other and ignoring Justin completely. "Oh my god!" Justin stood up and waved an arm in their direction. "You're idiots. Complete fucking morons and this is getting really old. Would you two just fuck each other already and get it over with so we don't have to listen to this shit anymore?" He jammed his feet into his sneakers and grabbed his bag of cough drops. I'm going to bed," he announced and left the room while Chris and Lance just stared at him in silence and Joey laughed hysterically. "Justin, wait," Joey said through his laughter, getting up to follow him. JC stared at the door, then looked at Chris and Lance, who were looking a little less shocked, but incredibly uncomfortable. They weren't looking at each other at all. "Yeah, um," JC stammered, then jumped up and followed the other guys out of the room. He reconsidered almost immediately, thinking maybe it was cruel to leave them there by themselves, so he started to open the door and heard Chris laughing hysterically, then Lance's amused voice. "Do you think it's a good time to tell them we've been fucking for two months?" "Nah," Chris said. "This is far too much fun." The fuckers, JC thought, and then grinned, because he really did think they were good for each other. But that didn't stop him from tracking Justin and Joey down to tell them, because there was no way this was going to go unpunished.
Ficlet written for Fan_the_Vote, as requested by minniem, and inspired by this quote from an EW article: CHRIS: But we have cliques. Like, JC's not in my clique. Joey's in my clique. Lance is in my clique sometimes. Well, Lance has his own clique that I'm not allowed in. |